comparing yourself to yourself.

So, y'all, I have been running almost every morning for 15-20 minutes.  For some reason, even thought I am proud that this is a lot more than where I was a year ago, this time has been disappointing to me.  I never could pinpoint why, though.  I was not comparing myself to anyone else's times.  And when you think about it, running for 20 minutes can actually be a long time to just run.  I mean, it really is.  But I still never could figure out what or who I was comparing myself to.  But then I realized it was myself!  I guess because when I was in my best shape I would run for like, 45 minutes to an hour, so I was feeling like this is where I should be.  But it just takes patience and a lot of hard work!  I'm pretty much starting from scratch now since I have previously done not much physical activity for a while. 

I will get there.  When I'm running, pretty much every time after the third lap I'm usually feeling like my legs are pretty tired and by the fourth lap, I'm done.  I guess since I'm running in the morning before work and lifiting weights in the evening, I feel that stopping after four laps is acceptable.  The other night, though, I wanted to do more.  I've been thinking that if I can get past that fourth lap, then I will be able to keep going.  It's just my mind I have to convince.  So instead of stopping after the fourth lap and going inside, I pushed and did tow more laps!  And Friday night I ran for almost thirty minutes!  That has by far been my best run and it felt great!  I didn't want to stop but at the same time I did.  you can guess which part of me won out.  I don't understand how I can feel two completely different things about the same thing like that.  I did reward myself with a nighttime swim in my in-law's pool!  it was awesome.  I have been wanting all summer to get into their pool after I've been running because I think that would be like the perfect cool down!  and it was.  I can't wait to do it again and again and again!

I definitely feel like I'm on the right track this time!  I have pushed myself to work out every day and even though I have not always wanted to or really memorable, I know doing this has been worth it.  self-discipline is hard y'all.

ttyl!  elizabeth.